The Punchline

"Now or later we gon' have 'ta stand up an' fight--
we pay the taxes in this b__ch, n__ga use ya' right!"

-Pastor Troy, "Oh Father" (Album: Face Off--2001)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, since the last time I posted...


-O.J. got Mack-trucked,
-handguns in homes became constitutional (and most of DC cried),
-the 40th anniversary of the "Black Power Fist" came and went,
-gas prices climbed Mt. Everest and then descended back into Death Valley,
-hurricanes tore up the Gulf and Caribbean--again,
-the economy started tanking,
-we elected the first non-white president (WOOOO!!! PARTIEEEEEEE!!!)
-the economy kept tanking, even worse than before, and...
-Detroit natives and residents somehow gained ANOTHER reason to be utterly miserable.

Who knew, right? Anywayz, I'm back with a promise to keep this thing more up to date with all of the racial quirks I come across in this fantastic mess called American livin'--and I'm gunna re-up today with one of my comical favorites that goes back for as long as I can remember.

So I'm sittin in my parents' comfy recliner chair in flip-flops and sweatpants with a Friday-sized bowl of Froot Loops early in the morning, and I'm watchin news coverage about the Caylee Anthony case. It was my first time hearing about the whole thing, so I naturally resorted to my mom to fill me in on the details. "Wait, the mom is in jail for killing the baby girl?" I muffled through a chipmunk-sized cheekful of cereal. She replied how the mom waited for a month to report the missing girl Caylee, and hasn't cooperated with the police so far. Then some lady on the TV, an attorney or family relative I think, started yelling and crying about how the incarcerated mother, the mother, wasn't going to be around for the holidays. When I saw the grandmother of Caylee crying on TV at that comment, I got really confused. I muffled again, "wait, the grandma wants the daughter to be released?" and my mom told me that the grandparents lived with Caylee's mother and were defending her in this whole process. I said, "wait a minute, this doesn't make sense. A little girl is gone, neither the mother nor the grandparents reported her missing for a friggin month, nobody's talkin to the cops, they haven't found a body yet--what is goin on here?"

And right on cue, my dad chimed in from another room the two matter-of-fact words that, in my household at least, have become the most consistent, discussion-ending, and funniest explanation for all things we find otherwise inexplicable in life.

"White folk, man. U know that."

Later on my dad and I had to make a trip to the Home Depot to finish a little drapes project we were working on. As we got into the store we passed one of those gi-normous snow-globe lawn inflatables fully equipped with a 4-ft. Santa, Frosty, Rudolph and fake snow blowing in the wind. "Now, c'mon. That's just damn rediculous," my dad laughed as we passed the snow globe and a bunch of other similar oversized novelties, including a snowy penguin, snowy elves and snowy Santa Claus and reindeer sets--in northern California, mind you. Of course I'm all worked up at this point--I raved and ranted the entire walk to the window treatment section of the store about the utter rediculousness of all of those winterized Christmas decorations in the current 70-degree and sunny (literally) section of the country called northern California, where they're more likely to see volcano magma or another Raiders SuperBowl appearance than snowflakes. "Who in their right mind would buy any of this stuff up here, tho? For real?" I loudly demanded to no one in particular.

And right on queue, my dad (much more quietly, this time) gave me the answer: "You already know exactly who buys this stuff. Two words."

I can only speculate as to how often my family's version of "Black folks' final answer" is used amongst the rest of us, but I gotta believe there's more to it than my family being a bunch of closet racists. Whenever I try to use the "white folks" punchline as a quasi-legit explanation for life's various oddities, more often than not I get a reaction of genuine laughter--not to mention some level of recognition that in a discussion of "Things People of Certain Races Do Fairly Consistently", the category of "Crazy, Inexplicable Shit" seems to fit more often in "Caucasian people" territory than anywhere else. (Please refer to items such as cow-tipping, BASE jumping, "World's Wildest Police Videos", the Brittney/Paris/Lindsey trifecta, all of the national political scandals of the past 3-5 years (notable exceptions: JJ Jr's involvement with Blagojevich and Kwame Kilpatrick), and--of course--the Caylee Anthony situation, as evidence of this claim.)

Whether it be the hillariously dumb or the tragically serious stuff of life, most of it seems to originate with and/or happen to the Caucasian--so much so, in fact, that it's provided for blacks everywhere a fantastic punchline to, an agreeable explanation of, and even a thinly-veiled excuse for the status of our world today. In the 'linked fate' minds of Afro-Americans (ref: Republicans and the Black Vote by Michael K. Fauntroy, p. 21), white folks are the ones in power, and therefore able to cause the most problems. A scene from the movie Glory describes the generally agreed upon solution to this quandry perfectly: In a scene where Denzel ("Trip") Washington and the rest of his all-black regiment watch an injured and battle-weary white regiment sullenly plod their way toward the field of battle, Trip cheerily urges the men to "buck up now, boys!" and matter-of-factly states, "see the way I figure, I figure this war would be over a whole lot sooner if you boys just turn right on around and headed back on down that way, and you leat us head on up there where the real fighting is."

So the argument goes... er, so the argument went, until November 5th, 2008.

On that day, a black man (er, a half-black man) got elected to be the leader of the free world--and on January 20th, 2009, said black man (er, half-black man) will take over the office.

That means I've gotta start thinking harder about when I try to use my old reliable punchline from now on, doesn't it?

For the first time in modern history, we are finally going to get to see a non-white person's take on running the most powerful office in the world. And consequently Barack Obama's election victory, in some small way, makes the black population of America that much more accountable for its own well-being. Just as Barack Obama's every move and decision will be hyper-scrutinized and analyzed because of this fact, the Afro-American community will also have the magnifying glass on it at various points now, during and after the Obama presidency ends. What will we do during these times of extra attention and analysis? Will we waste the newfound energy and momentum this historic presidency has created for us by simply being content that "we finally got one in there?" Or will we, as a community, use that magnifying glass to draw attention to and improve upon the quality of our situations throughout the country?



I for one hope that we "ante up and kick in."

Questions

"An' I kno it seemz heaven sent--
we ain't ready 2 c a black prezident."

2Pac Shakur, "Changes" (Album: 2pac's Greatest Hits in 1998)


FORWARD

They say music is timeless...

First off, R.I.P. 'Pac. Secondly, a disclaimer that this post's a bit on the lengthy side, as it starts at Imus and ends at Obama...





I don't know why I don't just expect it anymore, but I gotta admit that I still get astonished whenever something so dumb is said in the public arena it's actually worse than the last dumb thing said in the public arena. But I also gotta admit that when I heard that this time the culprit was Don Imus--again--I was downright dumbfounded. I could not and cannot even now figure out how someone in his position actually has the fortitude to piss off legions of Afro-Americans, in the public sphere, twice. It's absolutely mind-boggling, isn't it? The man made what was arguably the most offensive and racist comments uttered in public in the US in years, got hammered from all sides for it, somehow through the mercy of God and/or his bosses managed to keep his job, and 14 months later in the middle of a historically, politically and racially unprecedented time for America has the gall to do it again!

More importantly, Imus Part 2 has really exposed just how muddled the boundaries of "political correctness", especially with regard to race, have become in America today--for better or for worse. More people are takin their hacks at racial commentary of all forms these days, with a couple really swingin for the fences on the race field of PC Stadium. Look at Kelly Tilghman's "lynch him (Tiger Woods) in a back alley" comments, and GolfWeek Magazine's putting a noose on the cover of the issue that contained the news article about the incident. And, of course, let's not forget about everyone's favorite dumb smart senator, Joe Biden, in what amounted to driving a suicide car bomb into his presidential campaign in February of last year--again. (and I liked Joe Biden!) It's true that everyone has the capability of saying dumb things in the heat of the moment or having a mind-fart from time to time--you can probably chalk the Tilghman comment up to that. But the GolfWeek mag cover? and Biden? Those incidents, as well as Imus Part 2 (and Part 1, for that matter) can only be explained two ways: a) somebody didn't read the "Race Relations for Dummies (aka Public Figures)" book in high school, or b) for whatever reason, they saw an opportunity to try their hand at some racial commentary and took it. Clearly what's in and out of bounds when it comes to race has once again changed colors (pun fully intended), and though the line never was black-and-white I don't think it resembles any recognizable shade of gray anymore. Again, whether this is a good or a bad thing is a whole different and much longer discussion, so let's ask a different question: how'd we get here?

You might not like my answer to that question too much, cuz as has historically been the case in America I'm gunna (partially, at least) blame it on the black man. I submit to you that throughout all of the unprecedented effects the Obama campaign has had and continues to have upon this country and the world, I see the racial basis for the campaign as being a little flawed on a couple of levels, and these flaws are contributing to the slow but steady deconstruction of our current notions of racial correctness--for better or worse.

Let's look at race in Obama's campaign by comparing what is present with what is not present. The "racial stance", for lack of a better term, that the Obama camp and its supporters portray is that he transcends race, that he can at least begin to move the country beyond its torrid racial history and progress toward unity and change. This message is the 'gatekeeper' of Obama's steady but as yet insufficient flow of white American support, and by that I mean it gives whites who wish to support him both racial permission and a racial reason to do so. By preaching a transcendence of race all of his supporters are assured that through Obama's administration and policies we can proceed directly to a time where America's "race question" can begin to be solved, and somehow we won't have to deal with the difficult racial discourse and issues that we'd have to address to figure things out without him. I'm thinkin that one of the many reasons Obama and his team have masterfully and commendably crafted his campaign as such a "transcendence" of race is the undeniable fact that doing so pretty much stands as prerequisite for any black man to have any real shot at winning the American presidency today.

What is not present in Obama's racial outlook, however, is what I only hinted at just now: the "how" of getting to the solution to the race question. I think Obama has bypassed, not transcended, the true aspects of race and racism that matter--those aspects most able to affect minds, not just policy. He has done so by keeping the racial discourse of his campaign within the political realm of racial inequality, and by avoiding serious forays into the broader issue of racism. Because of the intricate and symbiotic relationship between the two concepts, Obama and his team have been able to fashion substantive and actionable policy stances (i.e. his civil rights proposals and urban initiatives) targeting racial inequality, while simultaneously convincing Americans that in so doing he is actually moving beyond or "transcending" the larger territory of racism in America.

I would point to 3 particular instances throughout the Obama campaign where either his avoidance of the racism issue, his overall racial strategy, or both have been laid bare:

Jena 6: Obama's Sep. 5th '07 comments about the incident on the campaign trail were hesitant and generally non-committal, with him "not having all of the facts about the case". But when he commented again on the issue on Sep. 20th, he chastised the media for being "surprised" by the Jena 6 incident. Why the change? On Sep. 19th Jesse Jackson called Obama out on his strategy and accused him of "acting like he's white" by not saying more up to that point. If understanding race and racism in America could be compared to learning biology, the Jena 6 incident was the perfect dead frog or guinea pig to be dissected and examined by the nation as a whole. Obama, with his razor-sharp scalpel of intellect and a fantastic team behind him, was in a great position to begin to (very, very) carefully cut his way into the dead frog of race in America--but instead he chose (or was forced, see below) to play it safe and "stick with the plan" of dealing with race in the context of either the economy, urban quality of life, and other issues of equality.

Sean Bell: Obama's statement after the verdict came down in the case angered many blacks across the country because of its lack of "bite" or any real stance in support of the family. This case in particular is a perfect example of what I mentioned earlier about Obama's hand being forced in order to be able to win the election, and that explains why there is no way he could have possibly made a statement in full support of Bell's family. last time I checked, being labelled anti-white prolly isn't gunna help u get into the White House, yo--or being labelled anti-police, for that matter--and that's exactly what would've happened had he come out with a statement in full support of the Bell family.


Reverend Wright: Obama bit the HUGE bullet and defended one of the "bad blacks" in his camp for as long as he possibly could here. That in itself should really speak volumes, because "as long as he could" ended up being about 3 weeks, and it is certainly debateable whether or not this incident is the main reason for the drawn-out primary race we witnessed this year--remember, Obama had just begun to swing the momentum of said primary around this time. America might not mind a president who is (half) black right about now (and even that remains to be seen with regard to the way that Obama is performing in working class white communities), but the above certainly proves that it is in no way ready for a black president.

As for Obama's initiatives to address racial inequality? Even they have to be taken with a grain of salt. Why? Because for politial purposes, racism begets racial inequality and NOT the other way around. Passing policy initiatives has rarely, if ever, contributed to the changing of minds of the American people. It's exactly the opposite--when the minds of the American people have changed, then laws and policies are passed to reflect that change. And we all know how the minds of the American people get changed--through dialogue and discourse, sit-ins and strikes, protests and petitions, marches and even a 'lil mayhem, all of which spark intense media coverage and an ensuing 'national debate' on the issue(s) in question. Nowdays we've got national debates on the economy, on Iraq, on healthcare, even, to a much lesser extent, on racial inequality and civil rights--but those discussions center around policy and the tangible aspects of the system itself. When it comes to questions of American mindsets and racial stereotypes and why the system is unequal instead of just how it is so, national discussion and outcry such as what eventually fueled the creation of the Civil Rights legislation of the 60s to me seems to be strangely absent from today's America.

And it is directly because of this absence of true dialogue and discourse about race in America that we hesitate when a situation like Don Imus Part II arises. We question Imus' meaning in light of his possible interpretation instead of condemning his actions in light of his proven track record. We protect his words as free speech instead of making him defend them as socially acceptable. And as a result, we listen to news coverage of "just how offensive was Imus?" and "what should be done about it?" when we could and maybe should be listening to anyone, anyone else that wants to offer real commentary on such a real and important issue as race. We are letting the increasing pace and sheer breadth of our times weary us of the seemingly endless fight to reshape, refine and evolve our relationships with one another for the better.

In that context, I invite you to evaluate the man who is trying to offer us the easy way out of our mess: no one could blame us if we take it, that's for damn sure. But before we do, we have to ask ourselves one more question, the real question I've been tryin to ask this whole time:

If he was right then, and we've barely seen 2 terms since then, why are so many people so sure that 'Pac is wrong now?

The Quintuple Play

"Times done changed on this side--
remember they used to throw? But now they blast, rite..."
-Dr. Dre, "Lil' Ghetto Boy" (Album: The Chronic)


It's been a long minute now, and I gotta apologize for that--work decided 2 get a 'lil foolish lately, but now it's back under a bit of control so I'll b able 2 get back 2 my bidness here. And what better place to start than with some foolishness of another kind in the District over the weekend.

I think it's fairly common knowledge that when it comes to homicides and murders, there's three cities in the US that pretty much leave all the rest in the dust--Philly, Baltimore and DC have been 1,2,3 in some order for American cities on and off for well over a decade now--New Orleans gets a 'dishonorable' mention by having the most actual homicides in '03 and '05. The national homicide rate in '05 was 5.9 (per 100,000 people). Compare that to Philly's 25.6, DC's 35.4 and B-more's absolutely rediculous 42.0 and it's safe to say that these three places could prolly list 'killing people' as a recreational activity in their tourist pamphlets and get away with it. This past Saturday in the District everyone was reminded about DC's #2 status for homicide rate and homicides to date when 7 folks in the hood got streched out overnight. That's right--in a mere 9 hours DC actually managed to raise it's already crazy homicide rate. And the best part? The 5 different incidents in S.E. and N.E. DC that went down Saturday match up perfectly with all but one of the stereotypical black-on-black crime/homicide scenarios that exist today. Not followin me? Lemme demonstrate:

THE ORDINARY: 4AM. Three men fatally shot after an argument which police believe may have begun in a nightclub.

THE PREDICTABLE: 9PM. Police shoot and kill a man during a house call to deal with a domestic dispute. The man had aproached the police with a knife and refused to put it down.

THE CLASSIC: 1:30AM. One man fatally shot after an argument at a dice game.

THE EXCESSIVE: 1AM. 1 man fatally shot, two men wounded (one critically) in a drive-by.

THE UNEXPLAINABLE: Police find a man fatally stabbed while sleeping in his car. Apparently someone beat him on the head and then slit his throat.

And let's not forget the presence of that one extra 'lil fact in each case that makes you scratch your head:

THE ORDINARY: 35 shots were fired from semiauto weapons.

THE PREDICTABLE: The slain man was 52 years old.

THE CLASSIC: They caught who did it and charged him with 2nd degree murder, but have not so far ID'd the victim.

THE EXCESSIVE: The dead victim was 27, living with his mother, grandmother, and 3 children.

THE UNEXPLAINABLE: The victim was a pillar of the community for 20 years fixing cars and doing basic carpentry for the neighborhood, was known for sleeping in his car on warm nights, and had no known enemies.

By the way, can you guess what the one, terrible, glaring common theme running through all 5 incidents is? Can you identify the rotten garbage-flavored icing on this 9-layered mayhem cake?

One gender, one race for all of the victims AND perps--everybody involved was a black male. 9 hours of arguing, shooting, stabbing and killing, the most violent night in DC history in the past 25-30 years, and it's all centered around the black man.

But we don't even have to go there yet--let's take it a different direction. Your average paper-reader picks up his/her Sunday paper (which has more than twice the readership of any of the other daily papers combined), and as they scan the front page deciding where they want to start they see "Fla., Mich. Delegates Each Get Half a Vote", "Search to Divine Authorship Leads 'Footprints' to Court", and "7 Dead in 9 Hours: D.C. Slayings Bring '08 Toll to 72", in that order from top to bottom.

As long as shit like this keeps happenin, how can it NOT get reported? And as long as it keeps gettin reported, how can people NOT think that shit like this is the norm in black neighborhoods? If we keep killing 7 people in 9 hours in N.E. (and S.E.), where is the Wash Post going to find space to talk about things like Artomatic 2008, the 1,000 artist, 5-week arts extravaganza on 1st and M Streets N.E., a block from the NY Ave/Fla Ave/Galludet U Metro? How can we change the perception of our situation if is mirroring the reality of our situation?

By changing the reality of our situation, that's how.

Police Story

"FUCK tha police comin' straight from tha underground--
a young nigga got it bad 'cuz I'm brown."

-Ice Cube from N.W.A., "Fuck Tha Police" (Album: Straight Outta Compton, 1989)


"On tha count 'ah three, say 'fuck tha police!'
One, two, three--'FUCK THA POLICE!' "

-J Dilla, "Fuck Tha Police" (Album: Exclusive Collection by DJ Rhettmatic, 2001)




Sorry for postin late, but I had to work some shit out in my brain about the happenings of this weekend. And it's not even about the incident itself, which when considered in retrospective isolation is not nearly as bad as other similar incidents that I've witnessed and heard stories about. The fact that my evening was going perfectly on Friday night until I walked past 5 squad cars on my block is what upsets me the most. The t-shirt I had been wearing underneath my work shirt earlier in the day said it all: "It's all fun and games until the cops show up."


At the end of a longer-than-usual Friday, all I wanted to do was flop down on my sofa with some good grub, a beer and a good movie and wait till I fell asleep in all three. It was a wonderful nite outside, so after I got back from the grocery and 'package' stores with supplies for the weekend, I walked up a block practically salivating over the tasty jamaican jerk chicken and cabbage I was about to throw down on. The first thing I noticed as I came over the small hill to my destination was the flashing lights; the second thing I noticed was that there were three sets of them lined directly across the street from my jamaican eatery. As I got closer I discovered that there were two more cop cars in the adjacent alley and a gaggle of people (prolly around 8 or 9 total not counting the cops) scattered in and around the 'package' store across the street. Everyone seemed to be moving slowly and deliberately, including the cops. I definitely got the feel that something was 'off' about the whole situation, but I decided to pull the "just another cop invasion of the neighborhood" reasoning and refocus on my food.


Walked outta the restaurant 10 minutes later re-salivating, and as I left I saw three cops walking one guy, very slowly and calmly, away from the building and away from the squad cars. Now I was curious. The man in 'custody' was not saying anything or acting out, and he didn't have cuffs on at all. He looked completely sullen, like he knew what was about to go down. The cops led him about 20 feet away around to the side of the building where they couldn't be seen by the other people on the street. Then they threw him, face first, into a patch of muddy grass. The guy lay there trembling for a bit, like it hurt to move. The cops then proceeded to cuff him, pick him up and bring him back to one of the squad cars. And I proceeded home, shaking my head the whole way.

Now that the details are clear, let's analyze. Knowing only these details provided, I'm thinkin there are probably only two ways that you can look at this situation. Most white folks--scratch that, most folks in general, I believe--would probably react by asking "what did that guy do to deserve THAT?" or "I wonder what brought THAT about?" The problem with asking that question is that in doing so you automatically assume that the actions of the cops were acceptable in whole or in part--even potentially justified. Even in a sarcastic or rhetorical manner this type of reaction doesn't fly--it potentially assumes that the victim did absolutely nothing to deserve THAT, which is just as bad.

The other reaction you could have, the reaction that I had and that most people have who've seen their fair share of shit like this before, is to ask "Was THAT really necessary?" I wish more Americans asked themselves that question whenever they encounter incidents like this, because it's the only reaction that seems truly appropriate for this type of thing. You don't ever need to know anything about what happened beforehand, all you need to know is what was happening at the time. And what was happening at that time was a suspect being completely cooperative and non-threatening, and giving no indication of changing his disposition whatsoever. He could have spit in one of the cops' faces and cursed him out before I arrived on the scene or he could have been doing absolutely nothing at all. It doesn't matter. That's why law enforcement officers are trained in the use of 'NECESSARY force,' not just 'force'. Taking a suspect who is not threatening the safety of anyone around him in any way away from eyewitnesses to 'teach him a lesson' by physically assulting and humiliating him is never fuckin' necessary. We expect and pay for our law enforcement officials to take the high road when they are disrespected, NOT to retaliate.

What does it take to get non-black society to understand why blacks have such a negative attitude toward cops? Why are there some 2,000 videos displayed on YouTube from a "police brutality" search? Why does the country's richest black county (Prince George's in MD, +60% black, double the national black median income) have 12 police shootings (5 fatal) in 14 months? And why in the hell does no one else seem to be asking these damn important questions? These are the people we pay to PREVENT brutality and killing from happening, right? I mean seriously, given the history, how can you not expect a bunch of hood n__gas from South Central and Detroit to tell the police to go fuck themselves when they and too many other inner-city Afro-Americans have had more experiences with 5-0 that looked like what I described (and much, much worse) than the 'hero cops' experiences that make pretty headlines? Straight up--where Dilla and N.W.A. are from, cops don't react, they retaliate. It's impossible to truly gauge what this kind of approach or mentality is doin' to the inner city, where danger for cops and citizens alike is at its highest, but it's pretty easy to see what it ain't doin', and that's keepin' the peace.

So as long as the cops keep throwin folks in the mud whenever they're in a bad mood, I'm gunna keep bumpin my Dilla, my N.W.A., and my Kweli around the 3rd Precinct whenever I'm in a bad mood.

but maaaaaaaybe the volume won't be turned up quite as high as it would be at home...

Clearin' the Air

"I b lyin' if I said I didn' want millions
More than money saved, I wanna save children
dealin' with alcoholism and afrocentricity
A complex man drawn offa simplicity
Reality is friskin' me..."


-Common, "The 6th Sense" (Album: Like Water For Chocolate)





So that you know what you’re getting into here, ask yourself the following question: how would you react if a good friend whom you haven’t seen in many, many months came all the way across the country just to pick a four-and-a-half hour verbal fight at 2AM on race, politics and leadership with you? If your first inclination would be something along the lines of, “You know what? I’d start a BLOG with that dumb-ass prick, THAT’S what I’d do!!!”—or if you are sufficiently entertained by the concept as to be willing to risk the potential letdown of further reading--then you have indeed read to the right place, my friend(s).

I suppose that now you’re wanting to know more about the verbal fight (I call it that because the word ‘argument’ just doesn’t do what it was justice). Uuuummm, I did not fare well in this battle. I was told that since I left my ‘institution of higher learning’ some years ago people I once called friends were “putting my personal shit on blast” everywhere on campus. I was accused of being everything short of a full-blown sellout with regard to Afro-American issues when we were undergrads. And, most importantly, this man informed me that just about every black person in and around the yard was under the impression that I was just another one of those self-hating black conservative types who didn't really give a shit about ‘his people’. Ow. The funny thing was I was caught off guard with the comments not because I didn’t know how messed up my rep was on campus, but because I anticipated (and looked forward to) fighting over stupid shit that weekend like who reps the better coast, whether or not hip hop is dead, whose celebrity dreamgirl was better, etc. (Kerry Washington all day, by the way. It’s no contest and my friend knows it.)

In all fairness I already had a pretty good idea what the perceptions of me were like long before we had it out that nite. I can look back on 3 early decisions I made in college that led folks to believe the ‘anti-hype’, if you will. First, I stopped hangin around the first group of black friends I made on campus. Let’s just say that the southern boy who used to hang almost exclusively with the 12 other black folk in his high school (yes the number is an exaggeration) got the wrong initial impression of black folk outside of the south. To make matters worse, I also made the conscious decision to accept the ‘token’ mantle that had seemed to settle above my head after my freshman year. In doing so, mind you, I thought I was hitting a triple bonus: I’d gain victories and cash for black organizations statewide, earn my people's respect by setting a good example, and effect real change in a system that more often prefers to create the perception of change. Riiiiiiight. As you can prolly guess, the 'self-hating black man' and 'brainwashed Uncle Tom'-type labels stuck, the victories I did manage to squeak out ended up being fairly Pyrrhic, and the institutions I was involved with didn’t change much.

Then I decided to register to vote as a Republican.

I’ll just let that sink in real quick, give everyone time to run to the bathroom and throw up, sob, pass out, etc., whatever u need to do. It’s cool, I understand.

We good now? Alrite, back to the story. Out of everyone who knew I was calling myself Republican only one person, who is literally a card-carrying member of the ACLU (and happily informs anybody who may or may not wish to know whenever he gets the opportunity), ever legitimately asked me why--and not just the kind of 'why' that really means “WHY?!? WHY, DEAR GOD, WHY?!?!? WHAT IN THE NAME OF SALVATION IS WRONG WITH YOU, FOOL?!?!?!?!?” So at long last, we get to the heart of this particular collection of words on a (web)page: Does anyone ever stop to ask why a black person might be a Republican, let alone (God forbid) any type of conservative? Does anybody even care anymore? Did anyone ever really care in the first place? Has the concept of an African American conservative become so mind-bogglingly impossible, so inconcievably rediculous, even so utterly, reprehensibly vile and disgusting (k, I'll stop now) in today's America that it defies all possible logic and reason?

Jesus, I hope not. Cuz that might just make me the absolute dumbest muh-fuckin black man on the planet.

As much as I hate to admit it now as then, I used to be a purely 'reactionary' Republican. I reacted against a political party system that seemed (and still does seem, at times) designed to ensure that minority votes in general are used, not heeded. I was also reacting against my own people, who seemed (and still do seem, at times) to reject me for the rediculous, energetic, confused, slightly eccentric, strong-minded, contradictory, ghetto and suburb-ass f__ked up hot mess of a black man that I was and am today. I felt that most of my black 'friends' were assuming things about me and judging me when they were supposed to be asking things about me and questioning me. So, this first blog entry is meant not to “straighten the record” (that will happen in due time), but to "clear the air" for myself so that I'm 'goin into this 'lil project without any false ideas about or any particular preference for how I'm being perceived. And THAT finally gets me to the 3 reasons why I’m doing this blog in the first place (besides an 8-ball lookin asshole who wouldn't know good hip hop if it kicked a hole in his speaker, pulled the plug and it jet):

REASON #1. To put my two cent's worth of commentary on race, politics, sports, society, etc. into the internet collection plate, and give folks a peek into the mind of a black male that calls himself mildly conservative--not the bullshit mainstream American political definition of the word, mind you, but a definition that will get hammered out in (near) future entries.


REASON #2. To work out a conceptual framework for a realistic and actionable black conservative philosophy, and to make an argument for why such a framework presents the best opportunity the Afro-American community has of achieving authentic, tangible improvement for the whole of the Afro-American people--what I call real progress. I feel like the sooner such a framework becomes a lens for looking at politics for Afro-Americans, the sooner we will begin to see why within the context of past and current American governance neither 'conservative' nor 'liberal' should be treated like a dirty word, but 'Democrat' could and maybe should have the same distasteful stigma these days as 'Republican' amongst our people and Americans in general.


REASON #3. To be perfectly honest, this blog also provides me with an online restroom in which to have a mental bowel movement from time to time exactly as I’m doing rite now. Altho I plan to stick with the relevant topics of the times in Afro-America, I'm gunna touch on anything and everything that happens to tickle my fancy, yo. So if you’re into quirky Southern humor, sports obsessions, Afro-Americanism and/or Kerry Washington then welcome to B-Talk, and I hope I’m able to tickle your fancy from time to time, too--and for all u ladiez readin out there I mean that in the dirtiest way conveyable via the online blogosphere.